Apps to make friends: a field guide#

Before downloading another app to make friends, try finishing this sentence: "I'd like someone to..."

Go hiking with? Write long messages to? Play a game with on Tuesday evenings? Talk to about whatever's on your mind?

Those are all reasonable wishes, but they lead to quite different places. A lovely pen pal in another time zone won't solve the problem of having nobody to go hiking with on Saturday. Unless they're extremely committed.

I run Wusoup, a small friendship-focused chat community, so I have an obvious bias here. What follows is a guide to the kinds of apps available and how to choose between them. It isn't a ranking of apps I've personally tested.

If you want someone to do things with#

Look at local event and activity apps, or communities built around something you already enjoy. A walking group, language exchange, board-game night, or volunteer project gives you something to do while you get to know people.

The useful question is whether you'll see the same people again. A lovely one-off dinner can be just that. A regular activity gives you a reason to say hello next week without having to invent one.

Check the actual events near you before investing much time in a profile. Availability depends on where you live and when you're free. And be honest with yourself about the activity: if you hate running, acquiring friends who want to run with you may be a tactical error.

If you'd prefer to choose someone first#

Friend-finder apps let you browse or match with people who also say they're looking for friends. That can be useful when you want local company and don't have a ready-made way to meet anyone.

I have reservations about swiping as a starting point. It's easy to judge a photo quickly; much harder to tell whether someone will become the person you can happily talk rubbish with for an hour.

Still, the interface doesn't decide every outcome. Read what people write. Look for a specific thing you'd enjoy doing or talking about together. And check whether the app treats friendship as its purpose or leaves dating in the mix. If you've been worn down by unwanted advances, that distinction may matter more than its matching features.

If you'd rather write#

Pen-pal and slow-messaging apps make room for longer exchanges with people who may live far away. Slowly, for example, builds a delay into delivering letters. The wait is part of the experience.

That will sound either charming or maddening. Useful information about yourself, either way.

You don't need a delay to have a thoughtful correspondence, but it can help set expectations: this is a letter, nobody needs to answer before lunch. Look for people whose preferred pace and amount of writing suit yours, and check the app's rules and reporting tools as you would anywhere else.

If this is your kind of thing, here's a fuller guide to finding a pen pal.

If you want to get to know people through chatting#

Hobby forums, group servers, and dedicated chat communities give you a place to return to. You can get familiar with people over time instead of making a yes/no decision about a stranger's profile.

The variation here is enormous. One group is welcoming; another feels like walking into someone else's reunion. Read a few discussions. See how newcomers are treated, what people talk about, and how disagreement goes.

If busy rooms leave you hovering at the edge, look for 1-on-1 chat. You may just prefer talking to one person at a time.

This is where Wusoup fits: 1-on-1 text chat for adults 19+ who want to make friends without dating. No group rooms, no video calls, no local meetups. If you want a hiking partner for Saturday, go back to the first section. I won't be offended.

Give one place a fair try#

You can spend a surprising amount of time comparing friendship apps without actually talking to anyone. Understandable, especially after a few lousy experiences, but eventually someone has to send a message.

Choose a place that fits the kind of contact you'd enjoy regularly. Read the rules, introduce yourself properly, and give a few conversations time to develop. A quiet first evening isn't much evidence either way. Repeated boundary-pushing or nobody making an effort is more useful evidence.

And if the place suits you but you don't immediately find a close friend, that's okay. Familiarity takes repeated contact. A good app can help you meet people; you still have to get to know each other.